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The Order Awards 2009
__Classic Awards__** With Extended Commentary **Who is the God-King of the Order?** The Awards begin with the most powerful of them all; the Award that binds all other Awards and unites in the Orderite Trinity with bntest and the Spirit. I speak of course of the venerable God-King... You know him; you love him - Gerko claims the title once more, for the 8th time in a row! He won with 12 votes over his longtime Silver runner up Luke, who had to settle for 8 votes to his name for immortal elevation. Third place became Pope Viper with 2 votes. Some random sympathy votes were cast on Zaron, Kilus, Makagulfazel and Yamu (1 vote each), and 3 people chose to Abstain. **Who is the Coolest Member?** Moving on, the temperature in Order City has always been Sub Abzolute/Kelvin Zero. It’s a good thing that the Orderites are cool by nature. Even in an amazingly cool crowd such as ours, someone is bound to be cooler than the rest. The very Coolest of them all is, of course, none other than the Luke Dweller, with a whopping 7 votes. He is followed very closely by Yamu (6) and TwinkieGorilla (5). Wooz also gets to hang around on the bottom levels of the freezer with 3 votes to his person, and 3 people also managed to get confused by the ballot form and voted for Ozrat (3). Up on Entrance Level where it’s only comfortably cool, Pope Viper, Elissar and Kilus have their private little hangout. (1 vote each). 2 voters Abstained. **Who is the funniest member?** The humor in the Order has always been of a quite special nature. (It wasn’t always gay, but it was always special). For the turning of an Age, people have spammed and cracked one-liners – constantly laughing at their own little jokes, and sometimes perhaps even laughing to the wise-ass remark of someone else. One Orderite – the Funniest Member – stands tall above all else when it comes to luring out teh laughter. He is, quite naturally, alec, with an amazing 9 votes testifying so. Also purty funny are TwinkieGorilla and Luke, with 4 votes each, sharing the silver. McRae finishes third with 3 votes, and Kilus almost made it to the (virtual) price pool with a sad 2 votes. Skenvoy, Pope Viper, SupermanOctopus, Wooz, Brother None and Terra Firma all got 1 vote each, and as did Abstain. **Who is the Sexiest member?** When not hanging around in Wise-Crack Lounge, the Orderites enjoy spare time activities such as rubbing their entire bodies in oil and playing “Big pile o’ faggots”, which is a quite complicated game in which you have to infect the sexiest person in the lot with aids. While all Orderites are sexy by nature, one of them is considered to be the very Sexiest Member. Alas for the lads, he’s apparently taken, but the one and only Gus is always getting aids first in Big pile o’ faggots, as the most handsome hunk of junk in the galaxy. Skenvoy is also quite quickly quaffered with her 5 votes. Jebus, Yamu and Mikey get around ok with 2 votes, while Ah-Teen, Mikael Grizzly, The Commissar, alec, Luke, Pipboy2000 and Ozrat usually have to do their very best to get around with only 1 vote each. 1 voter chose to Abstain. **Who is the Fugliest member?** On the very bottom of Big pile o’ faggots we have the Fuglies. It is because of these individuals that there are very few mirrors left in Order City, for they break when reflecting the fugly of a certain few. The most renown Lord of Uglies is Kilus, with 6 votes. It is because of this fact that he has posted so few pictures of himself; in respect for peoples monitors and eyesight everywhere. Right behind him is Ozrat (5) with the Silver medal – all those damp years of living in the woods and not hearing anything have left him with the tragic medical condition ‘deafugliosis’. The massive magnitude of Malkavians fugly was not forgotten either with 3 votes, and a bundle of other pretty nasty looking Orderites such as TwinkieGorilla, Skenvoy and Luke got 2 votes each. Kotario, Stag, alec, SupermanOctopus and Buxbaum666 are only half-fugly with 1 vote to their names, and the 2 Abstain votes give an honorary mention to Von Drunky and DammitBoy! **Which Orderite is the Most Orderite?** Out of all the Orderitey Orderites, only one can be the Most Orderite. (What this means is unsure, since science has yet been unable to identify and analyze the Orderite gene, but let’s tell ourselves that this is a positive category.) Giving little competition, the revered Luke claims the price once more, with a total of 8 votes. He was only challenged a bit by Sr. Citizen TwinkieGorilla (4) and Brother None (3), while Wooz and Pope Viper (2) were, though Orderite, not quite that Orderite. Sympathy votes were cast on Ah-Teen, TFX, alec, Mikey, Zaron, Ratty, Pipboy2000 and Yamu (1), while 2 people who really had no clue what an Orderite is Abstained. **Who would you prefer to meet in real life?** At some point in history, there is speculation that The Order will change it’s purpose from Fallout 2 and transform into a hot dating site. For this, the category Who would you prefer to meet in real life could come in handy – not only for fellatio purposes, but also in a non-sexual way. The Orderite that is most desired to hook up with for a good time seems to be the always flexible Luke, with a respectable 10 votes! (<3!) TwinkieGorilla is also quite desired with 4 votes, and we can all imagine why 3 individuals would rather meet up with Skenvoy. Ozrat, Pope Viper and Elissar are also quite attractive on the meat-market with 2 votes to their names, while it would certainly be possible for alec, The Commissar, Gus, Yamu, SupermanOctopus, Brother None and Yamu to get a hot date with at least 1 other Orderite. Nobody Abstained in this category! **Also Sort of Classic Awards With Epic Commentary** **Which member bears the heaviest burden of intellect?** This question has been asked many times, and just as many times the answer has inevitably and irrevocably chimed, in a Landslide Gold Victory: Brother None – 17. Sander managed to muster 2 votes, and Mikey, Murdoch, Gus and Ozrat 1 each. A total of 6 persons found the question to be an insult to their intelligence and voted Abstain. **Which member bears the lightest burden of intellect?** As with the above Award, this category knows few real candidates. Our very own retired entertainer Kilus takes the price with 11 mammoth votes, proving once more that being a washed-up forum comedian can be… not good. Serge 13 was up and coming with his level of dumb, but only reached a silver medal with 5 votes. Sicblades, Pipboy2000, Alec, Buxbaum666, Pope Viper, TwinkieGorilla, Daimyo, Rusty Skull, Gus, Brother None and Skenvoy only have 1 vote of teh dumb to be embarrassed about, and 2 people Abstained. **Who is the most tasteful Orderite (music/movies/books)?** In order to answer this question, we must first ask ourselves; what is taste – and before that; what does the word “is” mean? But we did not need to reflect for long, collectively, to find that the most awesomely tasteful of all tasteful tasters out there, is our beloved tyrant Brother None, with 5 votes. Some very clever people gave Mikey and Luke a strong silver medal (4), and Wooz finished third with 3 votes. Some 2 people were obviously really confused by the two smart awards above, and votedalec for most tasteful. Finishing in another timezone were generalissimofurioso, TwinkieGorilla, Mikael Grizzly, Yamu and SupermanOctopus. 5 poor sods Abstained. **Who has the most angst?** Who did you think it was? I mean, Duhgypsy – our very beloved alec (11) has the most shit to sort out. It’s not always funny, since shit tends to stick to the fingers when you try to jam it into little drawers while you file and label it to keep track of that vast collection of woe. Buxbaum666, probably influenced by his girlfriend, got 5 votes of wretchedness for the silver medal. TwinkieGorilla finished with 3, Malkavian with 2, and Sander, Wooz, Mikael Grizzly, Brother None, Pope Viper, Pipboy2000 and Dove each got 1 vote. This was a quite popular category to vote for, it seems, for only 1 person Abstained. **Who posts the funniest spam?** This question is really quite easy, since it’s a mathematical necessity. We only have one person who is truly skilled in the arts of Spam – they say he can author a spam post with all his five limbs at once, simultaneously. Since Pope Viper (6) spams like a whole village of Nigerian princes, sheiks and secretaries of defense, some posts are just bound to get funny. “Some” in Pope’s case is, as we all know, thousands. (This is also a Historic Change, since believe it or not, but the last five years in a row, teh Funnay Award has gone to Kilus. R.I.P. 2004-2008.) Pope’s followed closely by TwinkieGorilla (5), but McRae (3) had to settle for the bronze despite his efforts in the funhouse. Kilus, Luke and generalissimofurioso each got 2 votes for their humorous spamming escapades, while Wooz, alec, eom, victor, Jebus, Pipboy2000 and Brother None only have 1 secrete spamming supporter that will be giving them an extra eye from the Grandstands. 2 voters Abstained. **Who posts the most boring spam?** You’ve figured it out already, haven’t you? That’s right, as per the logic of the previous award, this one also goes to Pope Viper (9) – there was just no other way. The Silver medal for most boring spam is claimed by Pipboy2000 (8), and Kilus sees his 5 votes in this category as a testament to that he’s “still got it”. TwinkieGorilla fell short of the bronze with 4 votes, while Sander, McRae and horse only have one hidden playa hata out there in the masses. As a quite rare occurrence with 29 voters, 0 members opted to Abstain. **Who is best n00b?** The annual winners of this prestigious Award should see it as their first step into the Inner Circles of the Community. Being a n00b in the Order to begin with is to be a Master of the Rest of the World. Hence, being the best n00b is like being the best on the bottom of the most awesome clan ever. There was little doubt amongst the voters that this title should go to Sicblades, with a crushing 10 votes. TwinkieGorilla finished at second with 3 votes, and the third place is shared by generalissimofurioso and Buxbaum666, who weigh in at 2. Some other total n00bs like Brother None, Luke, Stapes, McRae, Daimyo, horse and Serge 13 got 1 vote each, and 4 people Abstained. **Of All Time Anniversary Awards With Some Commentary** It was a very even race, and despite the open alternatives, it is evident that a few Hall of Fame threads will not be forgotten, while the memory of other semi-epic threads may quickly fade. As you have guessed, the most epic thread of all time is theDark Matter thread, posted by Ratty! Here are the final scores: **Who has posted the Greatest Thread of all time? (pls specify):** Ratty (Dark Matter) – 6 Kilus (Stupid little things) – 5 Luke (Herr Googly thread (2), Achievement System thread (1), and “any thread” (1)) – 4 TwinkieGorilla (pic thread the thread) – 2 Alec (My Sister and I) – 1 Buxbaum666 – One Small Step – 1 Brother None (first NMA Order thread) – 1 Abstain: 8 (Honorary: VonDunky/Quaffer thread and “bntest”, which wasn’t a thread). Perhaps, many classic nicks have been forgotten - or the founding fathers of old who are no longer with us just didn't have that good nicknames. At any rate, the winner of this prestegious category is Brother None! He got three votes for Brother None and 1 for Jabberwocky (but 0 for Kharn). This is truly an indicator that his famous name change was a good decision. **Who has carried the coolest nick of all time? (pls specify):** Brother None – 4 (3 for Brother None, 1 for Jabberwocky) Makagulfazel – 3 Wooz – 3 Gerko – 2 McRae – 2 (allows for the most permutations) 1 vote each: Luke, Stag, Alec, mrmodem, Fusion, Mikael Grizzly, generalissimofurioso, KSM Abstain: 7 There was little doubt regarding the coolest avatar. Pope Viper (6) is, of course, the one who is parading around in Order City, priding himself through the world of others, in Alec's "Battle Pope". Timeless classics such as Brother None's Cyclops, Luke's Scrooge and TwinkieGorilla's Herr Googly all share the Silver medal, while some random single votes were cast on Sicblades, Wooz, Ratty, WaterGirl, Azure Stone, Jebus, Vimes, Kilus and Mikey. (8 people Abstained). **Who has worn the coolest avatar of all time? (pls specify):** Pope Viper (Alecs Battle Pope) – 6 Brother None (Cyclops): 2 Luke (Uncle Scrooge): 2 TwinkieGorilla (Herr Googly): 2 1 vote each: Sicblades, Wooz, Ratty, WaterGirl, Azure Stone, Jebus, Vimes, Kilus, Mikey Abstain: 8 The next category takes the price for "most abstained category" - apparantly, signatures are not that highly regarded in the Order. (Probably because they're not really "signatures" so much as they are "awesome Achievement Display Cases", which is why people misinterpreted the question.) The Award for coolest signature was, however, rightfully claimed by our beloved TwinkieGorilla (5), for outstanding excellence in carrying Alec's "Twinkies" comic". The victory may feel like alec's as much as Twinks, but alec doesn't get a medal for it! (Well, neither does Twinks, save for a virtual non-achievement Order Awards recognition medal for coolest sig.) **Who has had the coolest sig of all time? (pls specify):** TwinkieGorilla – 5 (“Twinkies” Comic by Alec) Brother None – 3 (Random Comics) 1 vote each: Makagulfazel, Ratty, Luke, Azure Stone, Sander. Abstain: 16 **Unique Awards With Limited Commentary** **Who is the most likely to marry a gardening tool?** You know him, you love him - Ozrat takes the hippie price with 5 votes. Ozrat – 5 Makagulfazel – 2 Malkavian – 2 Alec – 3 Buxbaum666 - 2 1 vote each: Skenvoy, Jebus, Serge 13, Sicblades, Stag, TwinkieGorilla, Kilus, Pope Viper, Pipboy2000, Wooz Abstain:5 (Honorary: xu, DB!, TVD) **If everyone in the Senate disappears under mysterious circumstances, who is most likely to resume leadership?** Despite a few votes cast for people already in the Senate (that would have a difficult time taking over, one might think), this one came close between Yamu and TwinkieGorilla. But let's face it, Yamu is more of the quiet plotter, while TwinkieGorilla is more of a blitzkreig fellow. Yamu takes the trofy with 5 votes! Yamu – 5 TwinkieGorilla - 4 TFX – 3 (Pope Viper – 3) (Luke – 2) (Wooz – 2) Kilus – 2 Mikey – 2 1 vote each: Alec, Pipboy2000, (Elissar), Malkavian Abstain: 2 **Who do you think masturbates most?** Not surprisingly, the biggest fapper in the lot is alec, with an amazing 8 total points. Alec – 8 McRae – 4 Mikael Grizzly - 3 Luke – 3 TwinkieGorilla – 2 Pope Viper - 2 Pipboy2000 – 2 1 vote each: Stag, Ratty, Skenvoy, Kilus, Scotty the Great Abstain: 0 **Which member is most likely to die the hardest in the Battles?** People had fun misinterpreting this question, asking what the hell it meant - if it was a good or a bad thing to "die hard". While it could be cool in the Bruce Willis way, it could also be interpreted as "who won't get any votes at all in the Battles", or, for that matter, "Who will have an awesome campaign and not get any votes anyway and hence have the biggest fall". Regardless, last years Silver holder Alec is most likely to die the hardest in the Battles this year, with 4 votes. Alec – 4 Sicblades – 3 McRae – 3 Serge 13 – 2 Rusty Skull – 2 Kilus – 2 TwinkieGorilla – 2 1 vote each: Luke, Ah-Teen, Gerko, Wooz, Gus, Yamu. Abstain: 5 **Who is most likely to have a manwub-relationship with Terra Firma/TFX?** How Gus did not win this category shall remain a mystery, for he only came close to the Grand Title. The Orderite who is most likely to have a manwub relationship with TFX is Mikael Grizzly, with the motivation that he is the only one who could possibly be weird enough to bare it. Mikael Grizzly 6 Gus – 4 Brother None – 3 Kilus – 2 Ah-Teen – 2 Jebus – 2 Pipboy2000 - 2 1 vote each: Luke, Elissar, eom, Azure Stone, Yamu Abstain: 3 **Who is most likely to take over the world with an evil scheme?** Plotting for world domination from the shadows is our beloved Orderite Gestapo, none other than the Wooz Dweller, with 5 votes. Wooz – 5 Alec – 3 Generalissimofurioso – 3 Jebus – 2 Brother None – 2 1 vote each: Gerko, Victor, eom, Mikey, Ozrat, Skenvoy, Sander, Gus, McRae. Abstain: 5 **Who is most likely to be banned from the Internet (save for Azure Stone, rest his spirit)?** Perhaps due to his posts concerning family relations, or for that matter any interaction of any kind with members of the human race - alec is quite likely to open firefox only to read the text "Cannot access site, you have been Banned from the Internet", according to 12 voters. Alec – 12 Pipboy2000 – 2 Pope Viper – 2 1 vote each: McRae, Ratty, Wooz, Jebus, Kilus, TwinkieGorilla, Mikael Grizzly, Elissar, Malkavian, SupermanOctopus, KSM. Abstain: 2 **Who will probably not win an Award in any category?** Two people were obviously really confused with this category, as they dropped their votes on Jebus, which of course is the wrong answer. No, the person most likely to not win an Award in any category is SupermanOctopus, with an amazing 6 votes. Congratulations to the gold! SupermanOctopus – 6 Serge 13 – 2 Sicblades – 2 Jebus – 2 1 vote each: Daimyo, clerquer, Pipboy2000, Ah-Teen, horse, MadDog, monsharen, Rusty Skull, Gus, Sander. Abstain: 7 **Parrot Rank of the 10th Anniversary Award (lasts 10 years... j/k, lasts one month of active posting)?** This Award was, not surprisingly, won with the biggest landslide victory of the entire Anniversary Awards. For outstanding parrotry and relentless SQUAWKing, the longtime Pet Parrot oTO - for the fourth year in a row - is Jebus, son of Gob. Jebus – 20 1 vote each: Pipboy2000, Buxbaum666, Pope Viper, TwinkieGorilla. Abstain: 4 **Super Mega Special Multiple Choice Memorial Category; What is the greatest event in Order history?** Bntest Disables all our asses to fix - 11 The Creation of the Battles – 4 The Founding of the Order – 3 Any of the Historical moves – 3 Herr Googly Appears – 3 The Forming of the Committee – 2 Terra Firma gets elected Overseer – 1 A new meaning to the term ‘quaffer’ is coined – 1 The Forming of the Senate: 0 Abstain: 1 (wildcard: The Rape Thread)